


The Universe Freaking Sucks

by CenturyGraves07



Category: Dracula Untold (2014), Naruto, Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: BAMF Relia Dracul, Because of Reasons, Confusing everyone, Crack Treated Seriously, De-aged Akatsuki members, De-aged Hokage, De-aged Uchiha Madara, Everyone is Dead, Human puppets, I do what I want, Idk probably crack, Major Original Character(s), Maybe - Freeform, Mother hen Relia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Original Character, Puppets, Rinnegan, Someone help me idk what im doing, They come back just not yet, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Uchiha Sasuke is a Dick, Vampire Original Character, War hero Relia x7, Warring States Period (Naruto), but only for a little bit, fight me, including myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-06 01:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15875655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CenturyGraves07/pseuds/CenturyGraves07
Summary: I get it, the universe hates me and enjoys throwing everything it has at me, but usually I can handle it.Being a Vampire? Cool, that's fine.Fighting in war(s)? Sure, nothing new.Dimension traveling? Unlikely to happen again, but cool.Watching everyone I learned to love die around me to something that could have been stopped?  Thanks but no thanks.Maybe you could have gone about time travel a different way, and made sure I wasn't surrounded by corpses. Now I have to take care of children. Again.Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my Oc





	1. OC- Relia Dracul and story information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this first chapter is just to give you some information about this story and my oc that you need unless you want to be really confused all the time, because I tend to start writing spin offs or sequels to stories that I got stuck on even if I haven't published them yet.

Let's talk about the time line, because that's important to the story.  
It begins back in 1606. Now, I don't know shit about the time that the war actually took place in so we have this. Relia and Vladimir, They're twins, they both set out to find whatever is killing Vlads men, they encounter the vampire in the mountain, and they both accept the offer of power. They both die, and come back as vampires after falling down the cliffside. They turn the village, and win the war against the turks, Relia feels guilty about the village turning to dust in the sunlight and flees. Vladimir does die in this, so you only get to see him in flashbacks and as a puppet. Relia travels the world, building up a resistance to the sun over time, and ends up in America just in time for the Revolution. She fights, disguised as a man, and turns the tide for the Americans with strategies from her brother. Shortly after, she goes into hiding, emerging to help in the wars before hiding again. Eventually, she gets fed up with how the world is, and joins the Deadlock gang. She meets McCree there, and takes him under her wing. Eventually, Deadlock gets shut down, Relia and Jesse join Blackwatch, facing death or jail time if they don't. They meet Genji, Moira and Reyes there, obviously, and then everything goes how it does according to the games lore. Her and Jesse split up for their safety and go their separate ways, both becoming bounty hunters. Eventually, Relia joins Overwatch and meets up with Genji and Jesse again. Things happen and suddenly, boom, Naruto. Everything is relatively the same except now Overwatch and Talon are their own clans and not part of any village, and are around the Blackwatch Era ages, except a select few. Those select few are now children (Read:Toddlers) and Relia takes them with her to Konoha. Cliche stuff happens, wants to save everyone using her knowledge of the anime while everyone falls for her, and eventually becomes OP. Around when team 7 is in their 20s, Sasuke goes insane and everyone dies. That's where this story starts.

Now, here's some information about Relia that I didn't mention.  
At one point, Relia loses part of her left arm in a mission during her Deadlock years. Angela makes a new one for her.  
She unofficially adopted Jesse, Genji and Moira, and later on Jameson.  
Drunk nights did happen, and so did drunk marriages. Her and Gabriel never got a divorce though because they thought it was hilarious. Jack did not.  
Vampires do have amazing healing abilities, but it's not perfect and leaves scars.  
Definitely immortal, Respawn won't let her die, even to silver.  
Only passes on Vampirism when she wants to turn someone with a bite, otherwise the only way for someone to become a vampire is to her blood out of the skull of a long dead monk.

When transported to Naruto, discovers that the previous Hokage are in her head.  
Everyone thought she was a boy at first.  
Discovers the 5-headed wolf sealed inside of her named Kerberos. This gives her a night affinity, along with her original water and earth affinity chakra.  
Has wood release due to Hashirama being in her head. This also gives her Senju DNA.  
Later on develops the Rinnegan due to Uchiha blood mixed into hers in a blood pact.  
Once shanked Zabuza with a broken whiskey bottle when she first met him, after chugging the entire bottle.(not important, but still.)  
When she first met Kisame and Itachi, she chucked her metal arm at Kisame and then proceeded to sink her teeth into his arm when he tried to get to Naruto. (Also not important)  
She took on the task of sealing all the tailed beasts inside of her, one by one, after their Jinchuriki fell to Sasuke in order to protect them.  
After her friends died, she turned them into puppets to keep their bodies preserved so she could later bring them back. She never got the chance to preserve the Akatsuki or Madara, and never got the chance to bring her friends back due to being hit by a jutsu that sent her back in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this gave some good information about the story because I usually suck at stuff like this.


	2. 1

 I groaned, before slowly climing to my feet.  
  
'What the _FUCK_ did Sasuke hit me with?! How the fuck did he get so powerful as to knock **_me_** on my ass with a single, extremely simple fireball jutsu?!' I thought before rubbing my eyes and looking around. This is definitely **not** the Valley Of The End, and why are there... I paused and counted the child sized bodies surrounding the area.  
  
" 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14.?.... **WHY ARE THERE 14 CHILDREN HERE?! WHO IS THE IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOT THAT LEFT THEM HERE????"** I turned around in circles, looking for the people responsible for the unconscious children, before noticing their clothing. It took a second for me to connect the dots but once I did, I walked over to the half naked......10 year old by the looks of it with grey hair, most likely Hidan, and kicked him in the ribs. He let out a moan, hopefully in pain and not pleasure, before jolting up and patting himself down when he realized he was no longer scattered across the battlefield in tiny shreds. I just tilted my head, honestly it's better to just not touch any of them for fear of them hurting themselves in confusion but Hidan can't really hurt himself or me so it's safer. He glared at his surroundings before his gaze landed on me. He paused for a second, processing everything before he screeched and pointed rather violently at me.  
  
**"WHAT THE FUCK, WHY ARE YOU SO HUGE WHILE I'M FUCKING TINY?! I CAN'T DO SACRIFICES WITH THESE TINY LITTLE FUCKING ARMS!!! THIS IS FUCKING UNFAIR, WHY ARE YOU AN ADULT WHEN I REMEMBER YOU BEING A RUNT??!!"** I sighed and threw the little shit over my shoulder,  his noise waking everyone else up. I scanned the faces and came across the terrified faces of Sasori, now human, and an orange haired child who is most definitely Yahiko.  
  
I dumped Hidan on his ass before approaching the two, actually putting in an effort to be non threatening for once in my life. I crouched down and gave a small smile, offering my flesh and blood hand to the two terrified children, who are probably traumatised. 

"  _Hey, it's okay. Nothing is going to hurt you while I'm here. May I tou-"_  I didn't even finish my sentence and I suddenly have a lap full of ginger. Sasori was a bit more cautious, and carefully grasped my larger fingers with his tiny hand. I gave a small smile before shifting my hold on Yahiko, who had the collar of my jacket fisted in his tiny death grip, to my hip before slowly rising to my feet and gathering the attention of everyone. 

"Does anyone have any idea of where we are? Cause I know for a fact that we were just in the valley of the end and now we're not." Everyone stared at me before Hashirama was jabbed in the ribs, causing him to shriek.

"U-uh, well that's something we can help with... We're on the border between the Land of fire and the Land of Hot Water. Before the Villages were created." Was the sheepish explanation and everyone who didn't already know this, and had the proper memories to react accordingly, screamed. Except for me, because I am a totally responsible adult. Plus, I had children in my grasp who are very scared and I don't want to scare them even more. 

Instead,  I sat down, pulled Sasori into my lap, groaned in frustration, and threaded my fingers together infront of my face.

**_Fucking hell._ **

"Whelp, time to bullshit my way through everything again. I've done worse bullshittery 5 times before. I'm sure I can come up with a plausible explanation for why there are a bunch of children from large clans, with multiple Kekkei genkai, and miniature versions of clan heirs running around with an unknown shinobi with a massive amount of chakra and knowledge of the future......" I glared at the ground as I thought, before Kisame spoke up.

"You could use seals. You often boast about how well you can use them. I'm sure you can make a henge  seal to hide our identities." I gaped at the shark child before a huge grin spread across my face.

"Kisame, you are a genius and I love you! Thank you! Now to decide on new names, because some of us can't walk around calling ourselves our original names due to doppelgangers, and appearances due to the same reason. Kakuzu, you're up first. Come here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are reasons Relia uses a different last name. 1, because what historian wouldn't make the connection given the right clues. 2, her brother took on the name Dracula. She did almost the same thing. And 3, she feels she doesn't deserve to use a name that was connected to the man she adored and couldn't save. Her brother was her life.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I took my own take on vampirism and the Master Vampire and put it here. Some notable differences are that the Master Vampire was a demon, or half demon. Relia’s body does decay, but at a slower rate. However, she's been alive for a very long time. Most of her organs do not exist, save for lungs and heart which are in pieces and are only still there to fake breathing and a heartbeat. She doesn't breathe, so her blood has no oxygen. It is black. This is just some of the stuff that I forgot to add, but will become relevant later on so.....
> 
> AnyWAYS MOVING ON! I have some things I need to ask. Should they all take on a different last name/clan or should they keep their original clans, save the few whose last names are unknown? For those ones, should Relia create a new clan for them, or use an already existing, extinct clan name? Also, I need new names for Kakuzu, Tobirama, Hashirama, and Madara. 
> 
> Zetsu is here, but he landed somewhere else due to the hive mind shit. Also, I don't really know what to do with him.


End file.
